Logic over love means happily never after.

How in the world, as human beings, is it possible for us to disguise every emotion that we have? If we're happy with someone, we're scared to show it because it might come off as "needy". If we aren't happy with someone, we play it off because it's too scary to think of being alone. And when we are alone, no one would ever know how lonely we felt. No wonder communication is the hardest part of relationships. If we could all just show how we felt then there wouldn't be any guessing. And for all of us that do this, what about our partners? They're living their life thinking everything is ok, and then all of the sudden we blind side them and surprise! It's not going to work out. And what about love? When to say it, when not to. I have no problem speaking the words, my problem is actually feeling what those words mean. I have gone through the motions of being in relationships for years. I do what I'm told because I thought that's how it was supposed to be. Of course I know that we are all looking for happiness and our fairytale endings, but I never believed it was real. I thought we were all just supposed to suffice. And when I think about all of my past relationships, especially the one that brought me the closest to marriage, that's exactly what I was doing. Settling. I was never truly, honestly happy nor in love with them. Getting out of the relationship was the only time I ever felt free. And to think I almost changed my name for a man who made me absolutely miserable. But after I got out, my stubborn little self said "screw you" to the lessons I learned the first time around, and thought "hmm, maybe this time..it's actually going to work." Turns out, the joke was on me. So now, this new man has come into my life. He is the kind of man that makes me weak, he makes me laugh, he makes me nervous and excited all at the same time. It's petrifying, yet so enticing. For the first time in my years of pointless dating, I felt something that I think might have resembled "love". But as soon as I let my guard down enough for that feeling to slip in, I hit it right back out into the field and locked my whole heart up again. Surprisingly, he didn't run. He watched me shoot back into my shell faster than he could even get a word in, and he's still standing in front of me waiting patiently for the day I can poke my head out of the turtle shell and give him the opportunity we both know he deserves.

Men, they are my worst enemies and my best friends all at the same time.